Struggle #1: Being next to someone with very loud Ujjayi breathing.
For those of you who don’t know, Ujjayi is a breathing technique that is used in a lot of different types of yoga. The point is to breathe from the back of your throat so that you can hear your breath. However, just because it is sometimes called “audible breathing” doesn’t mean you have to growl and moan! I swear, sometimes it sounds like the person next to me is passing a kidney stone. It is truly annoying.
Struggle #2: The horrors of see-through yoga pants.
The horrors! It is all just too much information. I suggest never looking around when you get bored in a pose. Simply keep your eyes looking straight ahead, on your mat or at the ceiling. Cause you know, yoga positions have you looking in all sorts of different directions. But don’t stray too much!
Anyone who has taken a yoga class more than once has probably heard a teacher say that we hold tension and pent up emotions in our joints and muscles. You probably roll your eyes until it is the week after you broke up with someone and you cracked your iPhone screen that morning. Suddenly, you’re laying there in your excruciating hip opener when all at once you are now the person crying in class and you realize that everything your hipster yoga teacher told you is true.
Struggle #4: Feeling self conscious about your om-voice.
Is it too loud? Is it the right pitch? Does my face look weird while I’m doing it? Does that person have their eyes open? Are they judging me? You know what, I’m just going to do this.
Struggle #5: Your whole social life revolves around your studio’s schedule.
Dinner? I can do dinner. But no earlier than 7:30 because my class ends at 6:45. Morning walk in the park? Sure! But I have to be gone by 10 because I have a class.
Struggle #6: When your yoga mat won’t unroll.
There you are, ready to get started, but your yoga mat wont stop curling up at the ends!
Struggle #7: That first time doing crow pose kind of went like this…
Struggle #8: Feeling bad when your teacher gives you an adjustment and you’re very sweaty…
I am truly sorry. Your class is just really hard so technically it is a good thing I am sweating. Yay you! But really, I’m so sorry.
Struggle #9: Foot cramps.
Need I say more?
Struggle #10: When the teacher starts playing Green Day cover songs during the restorative poses.
Struggle #11: When people start packing up during Savasana.
Whoa, people. This is basically the only time someone will ASK you to lay down and completely relax or nap as an adult. Why would you want to miss out on that? Also, why would you noisily pack up and ruin it for everyone else?
Struggle #12: Being able to do something only on one side.
King Pigeon Pose? Oh I got this! No problem. Oh, now you want me to do it on the other side? How about no… And yes, that is me and all my lopsided awkwardness.